So I planned to post something really nice last Friday – a mini-essay that I’ll post this Friday as a Valentine’s Day treat – but everything went wrong. My laptop crashed. There went my cute mini-essay (and months of my work)! Background chaos ensued. It was all too much – extremely overwhelming – so I gave myself permission to not force myself to improvise a post on my phone. I took the night off. And I’m glad that I did, because I needed it.

It can be difficult to remember that perfection is not the goal of posting on my blog, because a part of my brain still loves getting the A+. I keep way too many journals and track at least a dozen odd habits and goals at any given time. I get tiny thrills when I meet my scheduling deadlines, and soulcrushing dread whenever I miss one. That’s a hell of a pendulum swing! So I try to have empathy for the little perfectionist in me, even when he’s absolutely miserable. I try to remember something I heard at the Wild Wonder Nature Journaling Conference last year that really resonated with me: our consistent mistakes are our style.

That’s pretty great, isn’t it? And absolutely true. What we frequently self-identify as a “mistake” can resonate as “authentic” to others. The fingerprints of our identities are frequently formed from the wobbly lines of our errors.

Luckily, I’ve been reunited with my wonderful word baby (a.k.a. my laptop) and I am backing up her mind on a hard drive. Things are gradually acquiring some kind of equilibrium. And frankly? I’m grateful because I’m seasick on dry land.

I hope that you’re all giving yourself the balance that you need to keep going. It can be hard as hell to grow, but it can be pretty damn fun, too.